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dwn_in_brktown [userpic]

I miss this guy!

February 20th, 2012 (07:12 pm)





dwn_in_brktown [userpic]

The Adventures of Patrick Vaughn Stump!

April 4th, 2011 (02:47 pm)

*copy and pasted from another resource because I'm lazy*

I can't even- was last night real? Seriously? I can't even being to process what occured last night!

First off I got to hear him sound checking and when he was done he had to walk through the bar area where we were all standing so I was like "HELLO!" when he walked out and he said hello back.

THEN I was front and center for the show. So Patrick was like just right there. I even almost got hit with his guitar a bunch of times that's how close he was to me. The show as a whole was AMAZING! Definitely my favorite show ever so far.

After the show we were waiting around hoping he'd come out and he did. This girl who I bought her ticket for was talking to him about twitter and I kind of just blurted out how he's DMed me on twitter a bunch and he asked about what so I showed him on my phone. Then he was like "come this way so I can talk with my family and stuff too" so we followed him. Then I kindly asked him for a picture to which he obliged obviously. After the picture I told him he was on my list of people I really wanted to meet. Along with Hal Sparks and he got all excited about me mentioning Hal Sparks and was like "isn't he from this area too? Didn't he go to New Trier?" Which he did.

So Jes and I already decided to go to Angels & Kings which was hosting the after party for Patrick's show. I didn't think he would show up but he did! So while we were hanging out (there was like NO ONE there which is unusual) this guy came up and started talking to us because he saw my picture of myself and Patrick and we pretty much hung with him for the rest of the night.

So while we were sitting, and eating, Patrick just like came up to us and was like "awesome you guys got food!" which turned into him standing there for a good 20 minutes talking to us about the most random stuff. I kindly asked if he could do an acapella video of Hanson and he was like "You know I don't know much Hanson but its definitely something I'd consider" and I told him how once a long time ago I told Taylor I thought Patrick had a better voice and how Taylor wasn't very happy about that. Then I showed Patrick my FOB tattoo and he was in awe about it and said he's always wanted to get tattoos but now he feels like he's too old too. THEN we somehow got into talking about Twitter and how evil people are to him sometimes.

It was just ridiculously awesome honestly! I can't even explain how amazing this whole thing was! I'm currently uploading my pictures from last night but seriously I can DIE happy now.

OH yeah I totally forgot to mention this! So last night Patrick was talking to the drummer he has in his live band and they were right behind me and I kind of turned around for a minute and his drummer was like "damn girl I love that lip ring" and I was like "Um thanks." and then turned around to ignore him.

Well as Patrick was leaving for the night they were standing by our table again and talking and his drummer like slid his arm around me talking about how much he loved my lip ring and stuff and then he left. Well we walked out of the front of the hotel (Angels & Kings is now in the hard rock hotel) and he was sitting out side smoking and he like jumped to his feet and was like "Oh girl that lip ring! It makes me want to kiss you" and he like started coming for me and I was like "um no thank you?" and he was like "why not?" and I was like "I don't know you!" and he was like "please?" so just to appease him I kissed him on the cheek and he was like "again?" but I was afraid he would turn his face and really kiss me. It was soo weird. I gave him another kiss on the cheek though and then he got us a cab. He kept asking where we were going and I was like "that way" because I didn't want him to know exactly where.

So yeah it was a entertaining to say the least.

THE MOST AMAZING PICTURE EVER!!!

http://i56.tinypic.com/sawjms.jpg

------------------------------------------------------------------

NIGHT TWO:

So night two was just as amazing if not better than Sunday night! I managed to get front center AGAIN and enjoyed every damn second of the show. Patrick's energy was fantastic!

During the show I kind of said louder than I planned "please don't hit me with your guitar" because it kept getting really close to my face/head and he was like "I'm trying not too." and laughed.

After the show we waited around again and managed to talk to him a little bit more. I wished him an early happy birthday and kept telling him how amazing I thought he was. He thanked myself, Jes, and Matthew (a nice fan guy we met at AK the night before) for being his Chicago buddies and then gave me a hug!

and the bestest picture ever in existance!
http://i51.tinypic.com/vg0lg0.jpg

dwn_in_brktown [userpic]

"Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams..."

March 11th, 2011 (11:07 am)

Last night I had a dream about you. I haven't dreamt about you in a while so this kind of threw me off. Put me in a funk. I think it stems from the fact that I found your number stored on my tmobile website. Since I don't have it on my phone anymore it was kind of a punch to the heart. I am tempted to text you and tell you I miss you. But I don't think I will.

I guess my subconsciousness wishes you would make a triumphant return into my life and fix everything that's been wrong with me for the last 2 years. But I know that will never happen. It's just something I have to get over.

dwn_in_brktown [userpic]

In honor of my grandpa who I lost one year ago today to cancer.

February 4th, 2011 (08:31 am)


Peace Come Over You
Bottled up
Felt the pain before but not this much
Oh my God, it's real.
How will I ever heal?

Here are your new eyes
It's time to see a life with brand new sight
How could I now ever see
Positively?

It's hard trying to hold on
With all that I have lost
It all seems so wrong
But I trust you, oh God.

It's hard to know
When I'll recover fully it might be slow
And what would I ever do
If I did not have you

To hold me back
From throwing in the towel and not looking back
On everything you have done
And what you've overcome

It's hard trying to hold on
With all that I have lost
It all seems so wrong
But I trust in you, oh God.

So will you hold me?
As I'm crushed, my heart is in pieces
And although I'm strong when I bleed
Right now, I'm just too weak

Peace, come over you
Peace, come over you.
Feel the peace come over you
It's all you have to do
Peace, come over you
Feel the peace come over you.
Feel the peace come over you.
It's all you have to do.



dwn_in_brktown [userpic]

All you ever did was use me like a puppet...

January 11th, 2011 (12:12 pm)


Blacked out fallen on the floor tonight
That's what I do to feel the light
You tell the open line that draws me in
Every time I sink a little lower in the deep tonight
I don't remember anything I used to like about you and why I always let you in.

And as the saying goes, don't let your enemies become friends
For the record, I never wanted this
For the record, I wish we never met and opened up this mess
I couldn't keep up so we cracked down
And now everything is worse
I should have known I'm better off on the floor alone
Sometimes closure doesn't close up anything at all.

Roughed up rolling in the afterglow, my dark mistakes they start to show
You operate the spotlight I bathe in
Every time I put a little faith in my hopelessness
I recall why I'm such a wreck about you and how you never let me win

And as the saying goes, don't let your enemies become friends
For the record, I never wanted this
For the record, I wish we never met and opened up this mess
I couldn't keep up so we cracked up
And now everything is worse
I should have known, I'm better off on the floor alone
Sometimes closure doesn't close anything at all.

All you ever did was use me like a puppet
Stringing me along just to let me lose
Giving me a choice so I had to choose
All I ever did was put it in the open
Giving up a chance to shut you down
You took it as a chance to shut me up

For the record, I never wanted this
For the record, I wish we never met and opened up this mess
I couldn't keep up so we cracked down
And now everything is worse
I should I have known, I'm better off on the floor alone
Sometimes closure doesn't close out anything at all
Yeah, sometimes closure doesn't close up anything at all.

dwn_in_brktown [userpic]

Every words a new regret if you say it right...

January 11th, 2011 (12:08 pm)


Every words a new regret if you say it right, right
Every wound can be forgotten in the right light
Oh nostalgia, I don't need you anymore
'Cause the salad days are over and the meat is at my door

They might try to tell you how you can live your life
But don't, don't forget it's your right
To do whatever you like, you like

'Cause you could be your own spotlight (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight
You could be the star, you can shine so bright (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own--
'Cause they're gonna tell you all the rules to break
To take away that light from somebody, somebody now (a-yo, a-yo)
You can be your own spotlight (a-yo, a-yo)
You can be your own spotlight

Depression is a little like happy hour, right?
So, it's always gotta be happening somewhere on any (any) given (given) night
Oh nostalgia, I don't need you anymore
I just hope, my perfect stranger, that my kids look more like yours

'Cause they might try to tell you how you can live your life
But don't, don't forget it's your right
To do whatever you like, you like

'Cause you could be your own spotlight (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight
You could be the star, you can shine so bright (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own--
'Cause they're gonna tell you all the rules to break
To take away that light from somebody, somebody now (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own--

'Cause I had, a little bit of bad luck
No wonder this crumbling world's stuck
A little sweetness keeps just out of reach
'Cause compassion is something that they just don't, just don't teach, teach

'Cause you could be your own spotlight (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight
You could be the star, you can shine so bright (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own--
'Cause they're gonna tell you all the rules to break
To take away that light from somebody, somebody now (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight (a-yo, a-yo)
You could be your own spotlight

dwn_in_brktown [userpic]

I tried to be everything that you want me to be....

September 17th, 2010 (04:23 pm)


It must be the end of the road
It must be the end of you and I
And forever too
Walking the last bridge alone
We've given up on the good times
And the bad we knew

When I'm alone in a cold, dark room, well
There's still someone
That I can tell my troubles to

Me, myself, and I will never be alone
We'll find a way to get along
And we'll be fine
When all that's left is me, myself, and I
Myself and I will never be alone
We will find a way to get along
And we'll be fine
When all that's left is me, myself, and I

Mmh

When did it start getting old?
When did it stop being worth the time
Just to see it through?
I don't wanna get used to 'It's over'
We've already said too much
To make it new

When I'm alone in a cold, dark room, well
There's still someone
That I can tell my troubles to

Me, myself, and I will never be alone
We'll find a way to get along
And we'll be fine
When all that's left is me, myself, and I
Myself and I will never be alone
We will find a way to get along
And we'll be fine
When all that's left is me, myself, and I

Well it's hard to see you don't belong to me
'Cause I gave you the best part of my life
Well, I tried to be everything that you want me to be
But I don't have to give you reasons why
'Cause all that's left is me, myself, and I

I'm not gonna try to forget
Maybe happiness Is worth the chance
Of a bitter end?
'Cus here at the end of the road
I don't really care who is right
I'll give you the last word tonight

'Cause me, myself, and I will never be alone
We'll find a way to get along
And we'll be fine
When all that's left is me, myself, and I
Myself and I will never be alone
We will find a way to get along
And we'll be fine
When all that's left is me, myself, and I

dwn_in_brktown [userpic]

If I know you by now I know you're holding on somehow

April 21st, 2010 (11:30 pm)


Trying to keep my eyes from closing
driving back to our house hoping
hoping that I'll see your car, maybe your face
this must have been a mistake

white lines flying by from the headlights
disappear like you did from my life

If I know you right now
you're holding on somehow

Satellite, a million miles above my head
you're breaking up, from the static on the line and in my head
you're fading out, baby I could do without being alone
so could you come back home
could you come back home

so this is home you say
without you I cannot lay in this bed
here come those tears again
are they ever gonna end

got your voice, got your voice stuck in my head
haunted by everything that you said, you said

Satellite, a million miles above my head
you're breaking up, from the static on the line and in my head
you're fading out, baby I could do without being alone
so could you come back home
could you come back home

If I know you by now
I know you're holding on somehow

Satellite, a million miles above my head
you're breaking up, from the static on the line and in my head
you're fading out, baby I could do without being alone
so could you come back home
could you come back home

so could you come back home
(I know you by now)
could you come back home
(holding on somehow)

dwn_in_brktown [userpic]

I've never be the same without you.

April 27th, 2009 (09:55 pm)
current location: Bed
current mood: numb
current song: The Hero Dies in this One - the Ataris

As I sit here all alone
I wonder how I'm suppose to carry on
When you're gone

I'll never been the same without you
I loved you more than you will ever know
So maybe now you'll finally know
Sometimes we're helpless and alone
But you can't let it keep you weighted down

You must go on


the hardest part isn't finding who we need to be, it's being content with who we are...

dwn_in_brktown [userpic]

No damage you can do now, I'm immune to you now, you can't break what broke apart...

March 6th, 2009 (12:06 pm)

I've spent the last three or four months trying to figure out what went wrong this time? Was it me? Again? Or did I finally do everything right and I'm just not worth sticking around for? It's currently 3:48 in the morning and I should be asleep. But for some god forsaken reason I can't get my thoughts to subside long enough for me to fall into a decent sleep. I can't stop thinking about the past six months and how it all seemed to be an obvious lie.

I find myself at random moments in the day, replaying certain events in my head, picking apart every word, every movement, every sound, trying desperately to find some sort of sign this would come. Apart of me, well a big apart of me always knew you'd leave. I always had that feeling this was all too good to be true. I just wish I had been smart enough to protect my heart better. Because even if no one knows it, I'm suffering from the most devastating broken heart, I'm just too afraid to feel it. I'm scared I won't be able to pick myself back up, and put myself back together after falling so hard. So instead I ignore the intense pain in my heart. I ignore all the sadness and anger and keep myself numb to it all.

I'd like to sit here and say I hate you, that I regret all the things we had, but I can't. I've only had one regret in my life, and you aren't it. I won't lie about how I feel about you. I won't say something that is ridiculously untrue. I love... loved you. I use the past tense of the word for the simple reason that I refuse to love someone who doesn't love me back.

I just can't seem to figure out why you brought such a devastating idea into the whole situation. I didn't ask you to say the things you said. I didn't make you say them. You said them on your own. So why? When it's more then obvious it wasn't true? I was perfectly content with the way things were. When we met will I deny that what I really wanted was to fall in love? No. Because everyone wants to fall in love. But when you told me you were moving things changed. Maybe I should've asked you to stay but what right did I have? And what would have changed? Would you have stayed if I had asked? If you had told me you loved me before you left would I have then begged for you to stay with me? Honestly... I don't know. I would like to think I would have but at the same time, I'm not the kind of person who is going to hold someone back from doing what they want. So you left. You left and we went our separate ways. Something that broke my heart more than I ever let on. Even though you leaving was harder on me than I ever told you one question always rattled around in my head. You used to ask me why I didn't ask you to stay, I want to know, if you had known how you felt about me before you left, why didn't you ask me to come with you? Because the truth is, I probably would've. I would have done anything you had asked of me, at the drop of a hat, with no questions asked. I just never felt like I would've gotten the same from you.

Then on that cold, disgusting day in April you reappeared, throwing my world into a complete tailspin. That night you told me you loved me, I was shocked. I had no idea that idea was even being played with in your head. But I do know, the day you told me you were moving, is the day I realized I was in love with you. The day I realized I'd probably never see you again is when everything was suddenly put into perspective. I was in love. But I selflessly let you go so you could live your life. Except... you wouldn't let me go.

If you did love me, which I have a hard time believing at this point, then why are things the way they are now? Why haven't I heard from you in over five months? How do you tell someone you love them and then completely ignore them and pretend they don't exist? I exist! My feelings, my heart, it's real. It's not something you can just pretend never happened. If you stopped feeling the way you felt before I completely understand. Being 2,000 miles a way changes a person's perception of things. I get that, but why couldn't you have just been a man and told me? Why couldn't you have just called me and say "hey listen I care about you but this just isn't working." How hard is that? Would I have been upset? Yes. But atleast I would know. I mean even I had the guts to try and walk away once. Atleast I told you I wasn't sure I could do this. I was wrong, I could, but atleast I told you. It's just so hard, because I had trust issues before you came along, and now they're about a thousand times worse. How can I believe anything anyone says? If someone is so willing to throw such a damaging word like love around how can I be sure it's real?

I don't know, maybe this whole thing is my fault? Maybe I should've tried harder? Maybe I should've been more open with you? Maybe I should have asked you to stay? Maybe I should've kept texting and calling? I just hate thinking about "maybes" and "what would've happened". I wanted to keep calling and texting but after going weeks without hearing from you I felt like I had no choice but to give up. Why should I put an effort into something or someone who can't do the same for me? It's not like I was asking you to give up your life for me. I'm not that girl who HAS to talk to someone every day. But weeks? No. I couldn't do that. I do think about you every day though.

I guess... despite it all, I really should thank you. If it weren't for you, I never would've realized I could fall in love. I was always so scared of it, but atleast now I know I can be in love an happy. Even if things didn't work out how I would have hoped. I owe you a lot.

I hope that you find or have found what it is you need in this life. I hope you find someone you can really be open with and when you say I love you... really mean it.

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