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dwn_in_brktown [userpic]

Your promises they look like lies

December 15th, 2006 (01:00 am)

So a few days ago I took the time to write out this long ass post and just as I got done with it... LJ freaks out on me and I lose the entire thing. So I'm going to attempt it again, right now. *Crosses fingers that it works*

Like I stated in the first attempt at this I've been wanting to write about an event that happened a few weekends ago but really a majority of it would probably be TMI to many people, erm well anyone who reads this. So I have a solution to that problem... I'm gunna write everything under a cut. So that way if you don't want to read my TMI story you don't have too. So here we go...

Ok well a few weekends ago I went to Dekalb to see a boy. We had made plans to hang out Saturday night and we couldn't figure out what to do. I suggested he come out here and we'll go see a movie or something. He wanted me to come out there, but at the same time he didn't want to be home because apparently there was some guy was at his apartment that he doesn't like. So me being a genius I am suggest "hey why don't we do a destination nowhere type thing and get a hotel room for the night and just chill there." So I drove out there, picked him up, and we drove about 5 minutes away from his apartment and got a hotel room. I paid for it because thats how fucking awesome I am... that and he didn't have the money for it.

Anyway, not even like 10 minutes after getting there we are ALL over each other. Which totally wasn't my intention but let's face it, the last physical contact I had with anyone of the opposite sex was with Josh almost 2 fucking years ago. I was due. So we were going at it, which by the way was INCREDIBLE, when he tells me he wants us to get naked. I was like "No, some clothes have to stay on. Bad things happen when nakedness is involved." So he didn't say anything for a while, then again he suggests we get naked, and again I say no. That was until he started hitting all the right buttons and finally I gave in. Which I knew would lead to bad things but geezus christ was he good at what he did. So yes, I had sex with Ryne. HAHA. Full on sex and it was great.

Well after it all happened I had a little bit of a panic attack thinking to myself "shit he's going to pull a Josh on me. Fuck I'm dumb". We went to sleep, he stayed the night with me, which was weird in itself since I hadn't really slept with a boy since taking naps with Jav. But really I didn't sleep much, I kept waking up every like half an hour for some reason. I guess my mind was wondering and wouldn't let me sleep. So around 5:30ish I went into the lobby of the hotel and got some tea and watched the sun come up. It was quit peaceful actually, but the entire morning I kept having this feeling that he was going to pull a josh. And it was bugging me. I guess the other thing that bugged me was that during the whole night he never tried to touch me... not in a dirty way but you know... I'm a girl... I want to cuddle goddamit! haha. But I guess since we aren't really in a relationship I can't expect that. Whatev. Anyway, back to my story.

After I went back to the room, I tried to go back to sleep, but was unsuccessful so i just laid there... doing nothing until he woke up at 9:30. I don't know if it was just me but it seemed like things were weird... actually I know it was just me (will explain later). So.. (wow I use that alot) I took him back around 10:30ish and was expecting something as a goodbye... which I got. I got a "I'll talk to you later". HAHA. Again that day I was like "WTF?" but now I'm like "haha yeah we aren't together can't expect much more." Well on my way home I was feeling pretty good about the events of the night before. With the exception of this terrible feeling things were going to go all Josh and what not. I like how I refer to Josh as a thing now... he went Josh... it's so Josh. HAHA well whatever he used me for sex so he doesn't get to be a person anymore. Josh that is... Josh used me... not Ryne. Ok I'm off track now. Damn. Ok so Sunday we didn't talk so I was really freaking but I guess since I saw him Sunday morning i worried about nothing. He is a guy after all so you know technically he didn't have to talk to me sunday because he saw me sunday. We talked briefly on monday.... fast forward to this past week.

The entire week I felt like I was going insane... literally. I kept jumping between being ok and not being ok. To wondering what it all meant, to being all "eh whatever I don't care it was awesome so yeah." Then I went through the whole "is it ever going to happen again? Was it a one time thing? What the fuck happened? I've lost it!" But all that went right out the window when he told me this past monday that he did indeed what to do it again... yeah I did a little happy dance. Yeah so I want to have sex with him again. Who cares? I mean it's not like I'm going around sleeping with everyone and everything. Just him. And if anyone knows me... which some of you do, you know this isn't really a norm for me. I don't... er well I didn't used to just go around screwing who ever. But I'm 22 now... my views on sex have changed quite a bit in the last 2 years. 2 years ago I wouldn't have done anything like I did 2 weeks ago. But I mean it's just sex. HAHA speaking of screwing... Jake (gags) has been trying really fucking hard to get me to sleep with him. But I won't. I mean if he had actually not be a dick these last like 6 months I might've... but after the last time he just disappeared no thank you.

Umm yeah ok so thats my TMI story for you all. It's quite long so forgive me. But I've been holding a majority of that in for the last 2 weeks. So yeah. I'm done.